160.

One hundred and sixty beats a minute and all was well in the world. Yesterday we had our first baby appointment. I should have taken my own advice weeks ago and got off the dang baby community boards because I was officially having anxiety for days leading up to the appointment; what is the sac was empty? What if there was no heartbeat? What if I can’t trust Gods plan even after telling myself 1,000 times to relax? In all honesty this is the justified reason I’ve come up with; because so much love is riding on this. When we had Moses we were young and scared and had no idea how it would feel loving your child; how your heart could burst open with so much joy. But now we know and we want so desperately to be able to love this little one outside of the womb.

For those who have gone down baby lane know the first appointment is the longest possible one in history just in case you needed an hour and a half more to worry until you get to have the ultrasound.  Fun fact: also my first time “seeing the light” while getting my blood drawn....all the way down to the loud ringing in your ears, inability to open your eyes, slumping down into the chair, and then soaking your clothes with sweat.  Just in case people didn’t know I was there, they did now. But you know what? None of it mattered once we saw the perfect sac, our perfect baby, and that perfect heartbeat.

You made beautiful things out of dust

And in only the most perfect way He knows how to create people out of love.  Our little love bean flickering away in there while we sit plastered with smiles on our faces.