Three walled independence!

Last night we decided it was time. Time for Moses’ bed to be converted into a mini big boy bed. I call it mini because the full big boy bed transformation will occur once we purchase a toddler bed (which I’m hoping can be asked for as a Christmas present). This conversion was removing one side of his crib and adding a guard rail. This way he is still secure to jump around but also has access to get in and out of bed. We wanted to give him more responsibility and independence by having the freedom to get out of bed if he wanted; ultimately training him to stay in bed when its “night night” time and quietly playing when he wakes up until we’re ready to come into his room.

Before I get to how the night went I want to back up to the conversion. My sister gave us two different guard rails in the last year as her children grew out of them. We have a longer blue one and a white one that is conveniently missing its mesh cover. Somehow between the time it arrived at our house and got put away I lost the mesh cover and could not find it anywhere. We tried to put the blue rail on but it’s made for a twin size bed and didn’t fit. Already spending 10 minuets ample time disassembling the crib we were determined to make it work. Davy came up with the bright idea to put the metal frame rail up and wrapped the crib bumper around it four times then tied it to the corner of the bed. At first I thought no way would it work but surprisingly it stayed pretty secure. For extra safety I laid the round papasan chair cushion (I got as an 8th grade graduation present and can’t bare to part with) on the floor under the crib in case he rolled out. We let him play around for a little while to watch his reaction and what would happen if he rolled to the edge of the rail….all seemed great.

That night we laid him in bed and left the room expecting to see him in the living room within a matter of seconds but…..nothing. Not one set of toddler feet hit the floor the entire night. My alarm went off at 6:45 this morning and I laid there waiting to hear him wake up. Finally around 7:10 I heard him making noise but again he didn’t get out of bed. He stood up, jumped around, talked to himself, and waited. A few minuets later I walked into his room and he greeted me with a sleepy smile. Then finally he scooted himself to the edge of the bed and got down. I was shocked. I’m knocking on every piece of wood I can find hoping this positive transition lasts.

For all you mommies out there, yes, I choked up a little while we tore apart the crib knowing there is no turning back. My baby is a growing boy.

She is love.

One time while camping my mom went to whole day wiping our children’s faces with Lysol duel sided disinfecting wipes. After confronting her she innocently confessed she didn’t realize they were soaked with chemicals.

Another time my mom was in the middle of getting divorced, pregnant and homeschooling an 8 and 10 year old.

A little time after that she was taking care of a newborn, homeschooling an 8 and 10 year old, jobless, and made a friend’s basement our home.

One time my mom hitch- hiked all the way down California and wore bandanas as tops. The pictures don’t lie.

One time my mom was driving down the road with a screaming 2 year old and a screaming newborn and decided taking the newborn into the drivers seat and nursing her would eliminate one half of the problem.

One time my mom had a 4, 13, 14, 15, 15, and 18 year old all living under her roof and managed to have the house clean and dinner cooked.

Another time my mom walked up and down a line of 200 hipsters with a “we need tickets” sign. Then she overpaid a 15 year old so I could watch my favorite band at the time.

One time my mom sat in her pajamas at the kitchen table during breakfast and didn’t wear a bra. That was every school day of my childhood.

One time my mom spent weeks beautifully wrapping 80 presents all with hand crafted, color coordinating bows; carefully thinking about matching the colors with the child’s personality. She does this every year after saying the previous year “I’m not doing all this again”. It’s an addiction.

One time I gave my mom a slideshow DVD of how wonderful she and we cried while we watched it. I cry every time I watch it not because of how wonderful my editing skills were as a senior in high school but how incredible of a person she really is.

One time I realized my mom was my hero and I haven’t stopped thinking that since.

Umpa Lumpa.

Remember me saying I need to loose weight before I start growing another baby? Ok maybe I didn’t say it out loud because saying it out load forces me to admit I’m overweight and rather eat ice cream and watch Gossip Girl after work then eat veggies and sweat. Regardless, the pounds need to come off. According to “plan” (or as much planning you can do for a natural cause) we are thinking in terms of months not years anymore and looking down at my giggly belly that’s a scary thought! If I don’t loose weight before getting pregnant I’m afraid I will blow up like Violet from Willy Wonka or worse, never have a normal body again. I’ve already adjusted to buying bigger clothes and understanding why moms need “mom jeans” but I’m not ready to convert to solely buying T shirts and wearing the unflattering jean capri to hide everything that was once glorified as curves.
I’m proud to say we’ve cut our grocery bill in half these past few weeks and will never turn my back on couponing again. We buy what’s on sale, I make a weekly menu, we keep that extra money of our bellies and everyone’s happy. However trying to incorporate loosing weight and eating healthy is a scary thought because what if those items aren’t on sale? Or I don’t have a coupon? Creating tasty meals based off of what I bought at a discount sometimes contains mac n cheese or lots of carby-goodness. They don’t make coupons for fresh produce for cryin’ out loud! I need to find a way to come up with healthy meals every night while staying on a budget. To make the most out of the pricey produce and lean meat while still tasting good and not making me go on a sweets binge after eating the same meal every single night.
If you have recipes or suggestions I’m taking anything you’ve got!

Hi Pumpkin

Thirteen days out from Halloween we figured it was time to get in the spirit! We bought a pumpkin Saturday morning and set it on the front steps. Moses quickly warmed up to it and insisted on greeting it with a “Hi Pumpkin” or “Bye Pumpkin” every time he passed through the front door. Sunday afternoon we set down newspapers on the coffee table and went to work. Being my first ever pumpkin carving we decided to go with a classic “Jack O Lantern” face. If it were up to me it would have buck teeth and a big smile but Davy said it needed to look classic to scare off the evil spirits (ROLLS EYES; he was totally joking seeing as I’ve previously mentioned my stand on the holiday)! Moses and I took turns scooping out all the yucky insides and Davy worked the knife.

Hugs

Ok, Kisses

Scooping out the YUCK

So proud of the finished product

Walking the pumpkin to the porch



I made the wreath with leftover fall decorations my mom had at her house and I really like how it turned out!

TA-DA!

Of course they cannot go outside without partaking in dangerous yard stunts

Later that night we lit the candle inside to illuminate its face and

 I must say I was pretty proud of it!

Side note about coupons:

Davy humored himself by taking my picture while getting ready to grocery shop Sunday night and the only reason I’m posting it is to show off my new coupon book! It’s a step up from plastic baggies and ideally I want to graduate to a baseball card holder like Kelli suggested on my previous post but for now this works. It’s a monthly organizer that opens like an accordion; I have re-labeled the months with coupon categories to easily store and access. My favorite part of using it at the store was how fast I could flip it open and double check my coupon before putting that item in my cart.

Boo.

Moses’ most recent discovery is the idea of being scared. About two weeks ago either a program was watched or a story was told and in that scenario someone was scared. We thought it was adorable when we walked into Publix and he noticed the Halloween decorations, pointed, and said “scawey” or clinched Davy’s shoulder in the party store while walking past the mask. However this idea of scary has grown so large in his head he has become scared of situations such as walking into the playroom with the lights off or walking down the hall to his bedroom. It makes me sad that he quickly run downs the hall in fear after realizing it’s dark and he’s alone. So many instances as a child I remember fear ruling my life so much so I would cry if I was forced to walk to my bedroom with the hall light off. I am trying as hard as I can to relieve those fears by reminding him to not look or walking down the hall telling him it’s not scary but I’m afraid it’s already too late. I baffled by the thought a (almost) two year old can learn this emotion and it already rule their thoughts without ever actually being in a scary situation.

Growing up we celebrated October 31st with an alternative to Halloween by dressing up and going to our church festival. My mom never decorated scary, gave out candy, or let us trick or treat. In my tween years I resented that choice but now realize why she did it. Even though I don’t fully agree with her convictions as an adult Halloween is not that big of deal to me. I love the idea of putting costumes on and seeing friends but I don’t like the idea of scaring people or being scared. The joy in the fear of being scared is something I don’t understand and if Moses is already scared there is no way I’m going to encourage that feeling. It can rule someone’s thoughts far past October 31st and I hate seeing my baby controlled by it. With that being said I’m not sure what we are doing this year. Our church is not longer doing a festival and since Moses is so young I’m not sure if bracing the crowds at another festival would be worth it. He doesn’t eat candy and would not be able to say trick or treat so that idea also seems silly. I hate acting like the day doesn’t exist because costumes and friends are fun however I’m at a loss on where to take him. If I find somewhere fun to take him he is going to need a costume and I’m at a complete loss on that as well!

When the dog bites, when the bee stings.

I never thought I would be here. In this place of jealousy and guilt sinking further down practically every day. I’m a working mom. There is no exclamation mark at the end of that sentence because I’m not shouting if from the rooftops or singing it with joy. It’s just life. I work because we need the insurance and the income. I don’t work because my job is glamorous or approval outside the home is needed; I work to provide. Some days I’m okay with this. I know Moses is in a great daycare learning and growing and having fun. I know my bills are paid and my family’s bellies are never empty but sometimes that’s not enough. Lately I have been feeling heavily burned with guilt that I’m not a homemaker. In all honesty Moses doesn’t know any different; Mommy and Daddy go to work and I go play with my friends and sleep on a mat then I go home and play with my parents. But I want more.

I want to be the one he plays with during the day, I want to be the one teaching him new things, I want to the one who sees him go to the big boy potty first. Not only do I want to be home with him but I want to be the homemaker of my home. (Most) Women pride themselves on a clean home, beautiful décor, and a warm inviting place for guest; I’m lucky if all the laundry gets done and the kitchen table isn’t piled high with stuff. Having four hours each night to take classes, cook dinner, play with Moses, clean the house, and decorate just isn’t enough! I long for more.
I long for days of doing all the homework and making pretty holiday decorations and meeting friends at the park and going to the library for music time and folding cloths while watching Oprah and all of it. Some days when these thoughts are stronger than others I try to stuff them down and wish them away but honest to goodness the devil gets to them first. He has a way of taking one thought and twisting it into an entire head filled with guilt and jealously. He makes me feel in-complacent and a failure. For instance Monday was rough and I was feeling really down but yesterday my thoughts were renewed; then today I went to a big consignment sale and it knocked me down on my knees. Seeing all the mommies with their strollers and friends acting so happy to be out shopping all while I hustled around in work heels knowing I had a one hour lunch break to shop. Leaving I saw a group of younger moms my age and I almost burst into tears. Why can’t that be me?
I never thought I would be a working mom but life takes a lot of turns you don’t think are coming. So far all the turns in my road (and I’ve had BIG turns) have turned out to be incredible however I don’t understand where this one is going. I need to be content where life has our family but it’s hard. It’s only a season but when will this season end? I was hesitant of even posting this because it’s such an emotional subject for me however I hope other working moms can relate and share how they’ve overcome this guilt.

Moses drops his fork.

Inspired by Pacing the Panic Room I wanted to shoot an almost silent video of Moses in his environment while we ate dinner. It was towards the end of dinner and I was afraid he wouldn’t want to participate. His beans were speared all over the table, yellow rice almost gone, and we turned to coaxing his with salsa as “dip” to finish the last bites. What happened next was something all the cookies, juice, and Mickey Mouse clubhouses in the world could not provoke.


Moses dropes his fork from CDMW on Vimeo.

Our hearts are full and our noses are cold.

I loved this weekend because I got to spend quality time with people I love. Time- people- love is pretty much all I ever need to feel fantastic. Friday night I enjoyed hanging out with the boys before picking up my teenage sister and her friends for a “girls night out”. Our night consisted of tube socks to out knees (mine covered up by jeans to avoid embarrassment), loud pop music blaring in the car speakers, TCBY self serve, bowling, and a whole lotta dancing! By 11:30 I was practically asleep in a seat at the bowling alley begging for the game to be over and the music videos to stop so I could crawl in bed. It was very interesting (to say the least) to hear the conversations between these girls; once little girls who got together with their American Girl dolls now teenagers consumed with texting, boys, and booty music. It’s scary to remember that age and the years that follow knowing some of her friends are going to walk down the wrong path. I loved being able to get to know my sister on a different level and hope to continue having special nights more often to avoid loosing our friendship during her high school years.

Saturday morning Davy went fishing which meant Mo and I got 3 hours of quality alone time. I was the only person to change the poopies and refill his cup but also the only person he wanted to hug and play and laugh with. He loves when you tickle or wrestle him but now he wants to do it back to you; “I’m gonna get you” is how he lets you know the game is on.

Later that afternoon I went to a much anticipated baby shower for my new friend Jamie. It was so nice to see the love and support poured out for her by those who through the shower and everyone who attended. The decorations were great, the food was wonderful, the games were fun, and all around everyone had a great time. I love having a new friend and getting to know her better before the baby arrives.

Sunday morning was my favorite part of the weekend. We all woke up early and had a little play time before loading up Mos in the stroller (with a jacket on!) and going for a walk. We took a nice long walk to Grocery store nearby to get breakfast food then headed down to a lake with a walking path. It was first time Moses has been to that lake or seen Ducks and he was so excited. It took about 10 seconds of hesitation before he was thrilled to see real life ducks. He kept looking back to tell me “ducks swimming” “duckies” “duck duck duck”. We followed baby ducks near the shore and big ducks sitting on the rocks; we even saw a turtle and fed him cereal. The air was cool and our hearts were filled with joy. Davy and I decided we would spend as much time as possible outside during these weeks of blissful weather. Sunday continue with church and family lunch (which I always love) and spending more time at the house. I finished the night off by gathering my coupons and doing our weekly grocery shopping. Total I spend $62 and saved $49! I have ventured out to Target coupons (that’s to the last post’s comments) and hopefully stopping by one day this week for those deals. Lovin’ life!