On living life.

Been a while, wouldn't you say? To put it in a very small nutshell; I've been living my life and avoiding this blog because it feels like a big black hole. After seeing a fellow blogger's life being stolen from her by finding out someone was stealing all her photos and essentially pretending to be her really made me pause before spilling every last detail on the internet.

Then I read this:

My Girl Thursday was such a huge part of my life for years. I spent every single spare moment on it. Unfortunately I stole a lot of other moments away from other parts of my life. Time and energy that would have been better invested elsewhere. I found myself feeling tired, grouchy (because I was tired), overextended, out of touch and always (always) lacking. And for what? Seriously, what was all of that effort for? Free shoes. A few bucks. Ego stroking. Or to put it less pessimistically - as sense of belonging, acceptance and even popularity. Those were not feelings I have come by very often in my life and I have to admit that I was addicted. Plus, the only trade off was that I had to forfeit almost all of my quality time with my family (or make a bloggable moment out of any of those aforementioned moments).

 

Reading this was confirmation to myself that it was okay if the blog was put on the back burner because I know I am still living life and it's okay if the rest of the internet didn't hear about it. I hadn't got to this point she was at but if spending time on the blog took away from any part of my life then it wasn't worth it.

So here I am; it's taken months to find the right moment to get back in the water and I'm doing it one toe at a time. So if you don't hear from me for weeks, it's because I'm smiling back at the squishy baby in front of me. Or making two dozen eggs for farm day at Preschool. Or laying on the couch savoring 30 minutes to myself when quite time is happening around here.

See you soon? Or maybe in 5 weeks? 

The first installment {#52weeksofEmery}

It's hard to believe 8 weeks ago we were snuggled in our hospital bed wondering what life would be like with him...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#52weeksofEmery from my Instagram

Here we are.

This day has been four and a half years in the making; it's consisted of many tears, pumping sessions, guilt, organization, frustration, and joy. When Moses was born there was no discussion because the possibility of making it work was zilch so six weeks post partum I was kissing him goodbye. We'd wake up early and get home late; I learned the art of cramming every errand into a lunch hour and meal planning with my crock pot became a necessity. When talks came of adding another child to our bunch I was adamant there was no way I could leave my baby again not to mention practically working just to pay the daycare fees (hello mortgage payment!). But months turned into years and the situation didn't look like it was ever going to change so we trusted the Lord knew better than us and we became pregnant. As you may recall this past year Davy also started The Worst Job Ever and there were many frustrating conversations along with the making of many spreadsheets and saying things like well we'll just never eat out again only to come to the conclusion this budget probably won't work. But then God made the impossible possible and provided a new incredible job for Davy and for the first time ever there was a glimmer of hope that we could make this work. This great job opportunity only got better and better and better so much so we would giggle and think how is this even possible... we are so blessed. As you may recall from the photo I posted on Instagram weeks ago saying I want to remember this moment forever and that's because it was my first day as a stay at home mom.

　
Even writing this weeks later it still brings bubbling tears because I'm so incredibly grateful.... I am a stay at home mom.

　
So that's life as of lately! People told me things like you're going to go stir crazy or it's so frustrating but honestly I'm still riding on cloud nine loving my new job. I'm finding it humorously strange to have all day to do house chores whereas I used to fit everything into two hours at night. On that same note sometimes with two kids it takes all day just to do a couple loads of laundry!

No real routine has been established yet and I am perfectly okay with that because we are just enjoying the summer: I still catch myself riding down the road on a Tuesday afternoon and thinking WOW normally I would be working but I'm not and won't be...this isn't maternity leave...this is life! As Emery has gotten older it has been easier to do a few play dates with friends and I can't wait to do more!

  
 

Emery's Birth Story

Something about going into our 41 week appointment Monday May 13th and hearing I was still 3 cm and nothing had changed made me relax. I wasn't happy to agree to an induction Friday and I wasn't too excited about spending another week twiddling my thumbs but somehow in our minds it calmed things. Monday night came around and I went to bed per usual only to be woken around 2:30am with a contraction. I'd been feeling contractions for weeks but I knew immediately this lower ab cramp like contraction was labor. I waited and sure enough another then another came. I shut my eyes and tried desperately to get rest because if this was going to be anything like Moses' birth I needed rest. Every 7 min I was back to concentrated breathing and then the bathroom trips started. Contractions bounced from 5 to 3 min apart for most of the morning. Around 5am I was on all fours in the bed trying a new position to work through a contraction when Davy rolls over and noticed; very excitedly he asked "are you in labor?!" and I couldn't lie "yes, but go back to sleep and relax"....yeah right. I could see his mind wheeling and we hugged and giggled and tried to chill out. My goal was for Moses to wake up naturally for school, get him out the door, and then head to the hospital.

Things started to pick up and by the time Moses woke I was hiding during contractions so he wasn't alarmed. By 7:15am I was asking Davy how much longer before they got out of the house aka how much longer before we can go to the hospital. Before Moses left we got to sit him down and share with him today was the day Baby Brother was coming; to say he was excited was an understatement. To be able to understand that when he got picked up from school he would get to meet him was so much fun for him to think about and made our hearts swell. 

At 8am we were checking into triage and by 8:30am I was hearing the nurse's surprising voice as she couldn't believe I was already 6cm and extremely favorable. At that time she asked about pain management and after a slight waiver of pure fear of the unknown I told her I wanted nothing. She left and I cried; cried because 1. this just got real 2. I was actually attempting unmedicated birth 3. finally.

Once we got settled into our room our nurse Joanna walked us through some checks that needed to be done and once we shared I wanted to go unmedicated she turned on her crunchy side and was 100% supportive the entire time. For the next two hours I labored in the shower, walked around, and sat on the birth ball.

 

I was surprised to find that during contractions I didn't want anyone to speak a word and the only comfort I needed was Davy's hand to squeeze. Between contractions I came back to earth fully aware and able to hold conversations, laugh, and feel normal; such a difference between last time when I felt so much was out of my control. I even fell asleep on the birth ball leaning onto the bed at 8cm during a set of contractions which I didn't even know was possible.

Around 11:30am Jane, my midwife, checked to find I was 8cm with a very bulging bag; we decided we could wait until it broke naturally or she could break it and most likely I could start pushing so I went for the 2nd option because at this point a few more intense contractions were worth the few minuets her breaking it would shave off. Once waters were broken she said I was welcome to start pushing on the next contraction. Wait a minuet, is this a joke? I was so surprised that we were here; we were to the pushing stage and I'd come this far is such a short time and more importantly I wasn't freaking out! Jane sat on the side of the bed with Davy to my left and the nurse on my right and I started pushing.

The ring of fire is exactly how it sounds and ouch, it burned! Two contractions in they made it sound like he was practically out and I was able to feel the top of his head. Between the excitement, the adrenalin, and the burning I was able to push him out two contractions later.

At 11:52am our Emery Shepherd was here!
9 pounds 13 ounces 21 inches long!

 

It was surreal; he was here, perfectly healthy, sitting on my chest...all before lunchtime.

After we got settled into our room our first visitor was Big Brother Moses which is exactly how I wanted it. He came into the room and almost immediately wanted to know where the surprise was that Emery had mentioned in the letter "he wrote" to him that day. After opening his Big Brother present he started to become more interested and the rest is history. The touching, the kissing, the more kissing, the holding, the loving.

 

As first time parents there were lots of tears; fear of the unknown, fear he would die in his sleep, fear we weren't doing things right. This time around we were ol' pros and even found ourselves twiddling our thumbs Wednesday ready to go home. Here are a few more pictures of our hospital stay and our very chunky (who doesn't even look chunky today!) boy in his going home outfit.

 

God is so good and we are so blessed. To be given Moses to raise and love was enough to last a lifetime so to have Emery is like icing on the cake; our wonderful family of four.

At 2 weeks {a week late}

The birth story is written just waiting on some first pictures taken at the hospital to post everything at once. Until then I wanted to get share some things going on in the past two weeks. For the unforeseen future most things will be written in blip format because that's how my brain is functioning lately :)

He was down to 9lbs the night before leaving the hospital, 9.3lbs at his 3 day doctors apt and then at 10 days old back up to 9.11lbs. So it's safe to say he's probably 10 lbs today but surprisingly he doesn't seem big at all. He appears long and lean and I'm having a hard time dressing him in anything but newborn size clothes right now.

At exactly two weeks his umbilical cord fell off and he got his first bath. Much to our surprise he loved the water and didn't mind all of our hands in his tub. His skin has still been incredibly dry so we figured once he got a good scrub it would slightly exfoliate and pull of all the dead skin but nope, still flaky as ever!

He WAS staying pretty consistent with his nightly sleeping going from 2-6am then 6:30 until 8ish but as soon as we thought we had this covered he had other plans and has changed things up on us. Thankfully the only thing I have to do everyday is snuggle and love on this little guy so I'm not too worried about trying to figure out a schedule at this point.

At one week old I got a call from Davy that ended up landing him in the ER with a cracked rib. He dropped the weight bar on his chest during a workout (yes, he had a spot) and was breathless and in extreme pain. Living literally two blocks from the hospital it killed me that I couldn't be with him but the ER is no place for a newborn. Thankfully it was only a crack and he is doing better everyday but unfortunately it put him out of work and unable to pick up much of anything for days. Oy!

As parents of newborns, especially boys, it's no surprise to hear we've been peed on before however it was a bit of a shock when I got pooped on. And when I say pooped on I mean sprayed like a skunk with newborn poo! I was changing him on the ottoman when I lifted his legs and the next thing I know my legs, dress, couch, and anything else in sight was covered with yellow mustard muck. I took a picture because I didn't think Davy would believe me however they will never end up online. How's that for birth control?

And don't think we've forgot about Moses! He finished up baseball season and is loving life as a big brother! SUCH A GREAT BIG HELPER!

 

 

*He'll be 3 weeks old tomorrow and I'm a week late posting this....story of my life!

** These posts are mostly for my memory sake; some of the information most could care less about but since I use this blog as a life journal I wanted to write about them. I promise not every post will be a baby update :)

 

He's here! {ESW}

And just like that, in His most perfect timing, he's here!

  

Emery Shepherd Waldman

Born at 11:52am Tuesday May 15th

9 lbs 13 oz 21 inches long

 

A birth story is to come but I wanted to get out a few things about the last 5 days before they start running together.

Overall it's been an incredible experience; after a picture perfect birth we had excellent care throughout our stay at the hospital and the adjustment at home has been kind to me.

Emery surprised us all with his dark hair and complexion! We still can't get over his long fingers and mirror image feet of his Daddy's. His nose is just like Moses' which is just like mine but his head shape and chin are all his own. He had lots of built up mucus the days following birth so there was lots of burping, choking, and congestion but on day 5 we are down to just a little snoring and heavy breathing. On thing to note about his complexion is the almost non existent jaundice this boy has; not 1 but 3 nurses and our pediatrician told us they've never seen someone with such low bilirubin levels!

Moses is handling things really well. We knew taking him to school Tuesday that he would have a baby brother by nightfall and we're able to share that with him before he left which made him very excited. I had a note written from Emery to Moses telling him how excited he was to meet him and that he had a surprise waiting when he got to the hospital so needless to stay after a brief hello to Emery he was looking for the special surprise! After that he warmed up to him, help him, and has given about 85 kisses since then.

I just heard poop from the swing so that's all for now!

PS. We are so head over heels crazy in love.

Playlist {April}

The evolution of a playlist: I listen to music 6 out of the 8 hours a day while I work and I’m constantly looking for new stuff. I love the apps Spotify offers for up and coming music as well as being able to lurk my friends to see what they’re listening to ( my girl Roshelle has incredible taste in music so she is my number one source) and then I just start listening. A song catches my ear and I slide it over into a playlist. Sometimes it stays, sometimes it goes. The monthly playlist is the result of all the songs I’ve really liked and listening to way too many time. I’m posting late in the month (really really late) and actually growing old of some of the songs I picked out 4 weeks ago but they could be new to some of you so enjoy!

Heart it Races by Architecutre in Helsinki

Goodbye, Goodnight by Mae

Go Home by Lucius (my most favorite this month)

Mirrors by Justin Timberlake (was my favorite from the CD before it go overplayed, quick)

Always Spring by I’m From Bacelona

White Sky by Vampire Weekend

Colder Weather (Live) by Zac Brown Band

New Summer by Young Galaxy

Fever Dream by Young Summer

Feels like We Only Go Backwards by Tame Impala

Humming Bird by Alex Clare