fifteen.

I’m not ready for him to go. I’ve only been a daughter-in-law for 5 months, I’m not ready to say goodbye. Moses hasn’t even said Grandpa yet, he hasn’t even seen Moses and Alex play T ball or baseball. He hasn’t seen Davy all dressed up in his tux or all his grandkids. I knew the cancer would take him one day, but I thought we had more time. I want to have more time. I’m not ready. And as much as I’m not ready, I can’t imagine how he feels. Knowing this is nearing the end, this will kill him and it’s only a matter or time. I don’t understand why God does this to people. How can people want to say You are Lord and you’re in charge at the same time the cancer is eating away their body. If anything this makes angry towards God because they don’t understand, I don’t understand. I’m not ready. I’ve been prepping myself saying things like when not if but now that the end is nearing inside feels like a mess. Not only am I not ready for this day to come, but I’m not ready for the days to follow. How is this going to affect the family? Will people ever be able to bounce back? Be okay after X amount of time… I’m not ready. Is it time for him to accept Him? Not that I can even comprehend forever, but I don’t want to think I’ll forever never see him again…. I’m not ready, but maybe He is?