je vous ai aimé, 2009.

The last day of 2009 is such a mix of emotions. Half of me wants to enjoy the night and wake up tomorrow like it’s any other day but the other half of me wants to reflect on the monumental year 2009 has become. This will probably be the most eventful year I will have as far as monumental events go.
The first big event was our sweet little 9 pound 1 once baby laid in my arms January 5th. The first week I remember crying (nonstop) and Davy and I looking at each other at 3am thinking we can’t do this anymore; then almost a year later looking at Moses running around the house thinking I couldn’t do life with this! He has flipped out lives upside down and inside out and taught me the word selflessness but wow, he brings the most joy into our house every single day (more about him next week).


Then the ongoing events of working full time, learning how to be parents, learning how to be husband and wife, school part time, and building a house together came. Sometimes I don’t even know how we did it, how I got to work on time most days and how clean clothes ended up in closet (or floor, or bed, or couch…you get the idea); but we did it.


As the half way mark of 2009 came and went so did David’s health. We had been riding an emotional roller coaster for many months concerning his health and it was tough. I’ve never experienced family illness like that and wasn’t sure how to comfort myself and Davy’s needs at the same time. Life screeched to a halt August 21st when David finally lost the war with cancer. Cancer sucks. Life sucked (sorry for the morbid emotional vent on the last post). It’s still tough and I know for everyone some days are harder than others, but “taking it one step at a time” actually helps.


Winding down 2009 (and actually took most of 2009 to prep for) was our anniversary and renewal of vows in front of good friends and family. So many meetings, planning, more meetings, and details but November 22nd finally came and it was beautiful. Putting on the dress, taking the pictures, playing the part, and looking around to see everyone who loves and supports us was just amazing. I promise one day I’ll post pictures!


So much of 2009 was about preparing. Preparing for a baby, preparing for a death, preparing for a wedding. I felt like so many nights where spent thinking about the next night and far to many To Do lists were created. For 2010 my resolution (cheesy!) is to slow down and savor. Savor those nights we spend playing with every toy in the play room and Moses turning 1, then 13 months, then 14months, then 15 months. Savor cuddling next to Davy while the laundry sits on the floor. Savor girls nights, family nights, friends nights. Savor being twenty something. To just truly enjoy everyday life and not rush or worry about what needs to be done. So tonight when we count down to 2010 I’m going to savor a nice long kiss with my husband and just let time stop.


Au revoir 2009!

I once sang the chorus of a Brandi song acapella as an audition piece for a middle school play; I did hair and makeup that year

Have you ever stared at a dead person? Not just a quick picture, but sitting on the ottoman about 3 feet away from their face just staring thinking the person I loved is no longer there. Well body is there, face is there; he could just be taking a lazy afternoon nap, but he’s not, he’s dead. I am being blunt, yes. Am I emotionless, no.

I’ll never forget that day, those feelings, the look, the clothes, the blanket, holding Davy’s hand as he lead a prayer, the white sheet placed ever so softly over his body before they took him away, and the 100’s of other details I’m not brave enough to type into words. Christmas day a pack of Oreo’s sat on my mother in laws counter and as I slid back the wrapper tears filled my eyes because that was his thing; they should have been on top of the fridge because that was the secret-not-so-secret hiding place.

I had lots and lots of words yesterday, but now they’ve all escaped me. Boo staying busy at work yesterday when the mental pencil was flowing.

To Do:
- Bake squash casserole
- Compile pictures to load onto my digital picture frame to bring into work
- Long(er) term: print pictures of Moses to update my desk and
- SUPER LONG TERM: finally, finally, finally, update Moses’ baby book
- Get my mind around Moses’ birthday party in less than 2 weeks

To Do Tuesdays

First I want to back up to last weeks To Do Tuesday and defend myself as to why I never finished thank you cards… it’s because I lost my spreadsheet! An organized spreadsheet kind of girl is great if she actually remembers where she tucked it! Now that my trusty information with everyone’s names/ gift list/ addresses/ and most importantly if I’ve sent them a card is gone, I’m at a loss. Still not sure how I’m going to fix this one, but hopefully but next week I would have come up with a solution and completed them!
Moses birthday is quickly approaching and once the holidays are over it’s going to sneak up and bit me in the butt! This birthday is pretty important to me so I’ve started planning early. So much so that I’ve already purchased and printed invitations, came up with a guest list, and addressed them all! They will go out by the end of the week to give everyone a heads up of this MAJOR BIG DEAL BIRTHDAY! I won’t get emotional yet, because it hasn’t quiet hit me that a ONE YEAR OLD is no longer a baby. (So I guess this subject qualifies for TO DID List).


After two flowing paragraphs, I can’t take it anymore…I’m caving for a list.

To Do:
1. Get pictures of our ‘3’s a family’ first Christmas
2. Thank you cards (grr….) (I love thanking people, hate the thought of pulling them all out and actually doing it)
3. Find a new day care for Moses. Another subject entirely too big that I’m forced to rave about it on TallyMom’s discussion board because I know NO ONE wants to hear about boring details of child care centers.
4. ** Start proof reading my spats of writing. I just went back and saw how awful my spelling and sentence structure is! I really do write EXACTLY how I speak.

Maybe my mind is blank, or maybe I’m just THAT good, but I don’t really have a huge list swimming around. I feel like all my stockings are in a row (tehe I’m cheesy) for Christmas, my house is decent (just don’t open doors), and I’m not stressed. Sorry I don’t have much to offer for this To Do Tuesday. What’s on your list?

Check out Sproost.com and take the designer quiz- its fantastic. It says I’m 46% Nantucket Style 31% French Eclectic and 23% Modern Elegance but I beg to differ. The Nantucket style is so high because comfy sofas and shades of blue/white draw me in but I LOVE French eclectic. What’s your style?

Pretty lights on the tree, you should be here with me.

**Sometimes work get a tid bit busy and I don't finish a blog. This week it happened twice so I'm calling this a smash up of 2 mini blogs plus new stuff!**

Earlier this week:
Tis the Season? Or maybe just Tis TheNester? Whatever it is, it’s got me in the mood to be domestic. Our house has been a work in project for months and it’s SLOWLY coming together… slowly meaning maybe by January I’ll have hung pictures and bought rugs! Anyways, the state of my home is another blog in itself, I wanted to talk about being domestic! After we hung out Christmas tree and put lights on it I knew the house needed more. It hardly felt like Christmas until you walk into every room and it’s decorated (thanks Mom for forever having the best decorated house I know). So I managed to come up with a wreath idea for the front door all by myself. I placed a big red ribbon at the top and tied on a collection of red, green, and silver balls. All different shines and textures (glitter on some, of course!) and sizes made up the collection and it turned out great! Then I made a mom-inspired ball filled vase. I used a large glass one that slightly coned at the bottom and opened at the top. At the bottom I started laying down a small strand of white lights followed by a purple, pink, teal, blue, green, silver, and white balls. I intertwined the lights as I filled up the vase so once it was completed the strand poked out of the top. It was super easy and gives off a really nice warm feel. I did a few other things around the house but those are the two I’m most proud of. Subscribing to The Nester blog gets me inspired on a daily basis to decorate the house and I cannot wait until I have a clear picture of what I want to do with the living room and put those plans into action.


Another domestic thing I’ve been into is baking. Well more like eating sweets, hot chocolate topped with whipped cream, and anything warm…. But again, different blog! Last week I had a splendid Christmas cooking making party with The Girlfriends and a sugar high lasted a good 48 hours. We spent half the time laughing and eating and finally around 11pm got down to business of decorating. I ended up taking home about 8 cookies and had no desire to eat them, they were too pretty! Thankfully Davy had no deep attachment and was able to enjoy. My next project will be, Nest inspired, to make a pan a delicious (fingers crossed) sweets for some friends and family. I think they are the pretty “Merry Christmas” little treat to pull everyone through these last 11 days before Christmas.

Wednesday:
Stomach “aches” are no fun. I wouldn’t even call it an ach because it felt more like gysers of acid erupting every 5 minuets. Disgusting graphic, I know, but there is no better way to describe it. I ended up leaving work early because I just could take it anymore. A little Pepto, couch time, and a Hallmark movie seemed to do the trick and I’m back at the “ol’ daily grind” again today.

Today:
I'm in a great mood.

Last night has a gift wrapping party with my mom and sisters and wrapped EVERY present I brought over. I was shocked at my productivity and proud of almost all the wrapping jobs (sorry Patrick…maybe next year I’ll get the bow perfect). Lots of laughs, a few tears (why do good people have to die), and an entire living room filling with gift wrap (my mom’s Martha Stewart with a booty, have I mentioned that?).

Tonight we are having a little adult time for a friend’s surprise party at Level 8, a downtown high-rise hotel. The bar has a big open balcony that over looks downtown and I’ve heard its very chic and big city trendy. Lots of our friends should be there and I’m anticipating many laughs. Tomorrow a friend couple of ours is getting married and that should also be a great time with a completely different set of friends. I’m looking forward to enjoying a wedding and not being in the center of it (sorry- I’m awful for still not blogging about ours… the subject stares me down and I’m too intimidated to go there). Hopefully Sunday will consist of the usual. Church, lunch, and lots of laying around wishing Monday never comes. Ideally I would love to take Moses to see Santa but if the line is halfway across the mall I don’t see that happening.


(this blog is too long, sorry, I don't care)

To Do Tuesdays

To Do Tuesdays. Tuesday is the day of the week I’m allowing myself to talk about goals, wants, and needs. They can be actual or a mind set, a list or a dream, long term or in the next hour. Comment what your To Do's are if you feel the need to shout it from the rooftops!

My To Do's:
1. To start getting things accomplished. I’m Mrs. List. The problem is once those lists have been so beautifully formatted I can't seem to check everything off and then some. So many ideas, thoughts, list form in my head I just end up with so many lists and nothing to show for.
2. Most immediate goal- wedding thank you cards. I wish I had the guts to just call everyone up and blab about how thankful I am, but people may think I drank too much water in Mexico.... so intern I’m stuck with a huge list (yes...beautifully structured thanks to Excel) of names, addresses, gifts, have I wrote the note out, have I sent it (I’m crazy for making a column asking myself if I did something, I know).
3. To bake and master the Croissant
4. Making my newest love for coral red and robin egg blue come alive and sprayed throughout my home. I’m thinking the living room, but I need to fall in love with a pillow fabric before I can be certain.
(*I want you all to know how crazy I am... as I am writing this I caught myself numbering my thoughts into piles.... it's seriously something I can't control!)
5. This one is a mind set. At the end of the day being happy I played with Moses and snuggled with my husband instead of checking off a list. To truly loose myself in love and laughing and playing is the best To Do Tuesday goal I have... and the hardest.

Until next Tuesday I’ll try my hardest to keep these thoughts to myself

please remember me...happily...by the rosebush laughing

Tuesday night we put up Christmas lights and it was magical. Moses and I were the perfect non captivated audience to Davy hanging the icicle lights in the front yard. Grass is a foreign concept to Moses and watching him stand/move/touch/crawl in it is a hoot (yes, a hoot). Moses walked around smashing his banana between his fingers and into the grass and back in his mouth again. I let him enjoy being messy because we were outside and he never gets to be a wild boy. All the illuminated lights in piles on the driveway didn’t interest him; the only thing he wanted to do was practically run down the drive way to get to the road. Even when placed in the middle of the grass he would move as fast as he could to get to the smooth drive way. Shoe and sockless didn’t stop him from crushing pine straw and twigs to make it to the edge of the driveway. Why he wanted to feel the road is still a mystery. But playing with a freshly bathed, banana hands, happy baby while watching Davy put up Christmas light was the highlight of my night, my day, my week.

Tonight me and The Girlfriends are making Christmas cooking. My cubical is filling with the smell of Frebreeze NOTICEables Christmas scent and multi colored lights that stretch across my cubical opening. A mini tree with mini Target balls and beads and a pink tree-topper star sit on my desk. The office is filled with unwrapped, blatantly obvious presents for Moses. Tiss the Season : )

Rogue Wave "Eyes"

Blogging has taken a backseat in my life, for a reason. It was consuming and just getting me too caught up in things I didn’t want to be.
So with that being said, I have 1 thing to share:
I LOVE MY BOYS. Everyday is a new day with them and its overwhelming to think of the love I have for them. Moses discovered my eyes the other night and he stood about 2 inches away from my facing just gazing into them. I could see the love pouring out in both directions and it was the best feeling ever. I could not ask for a better Trio :)
Maybe I’ll take up [controlled] blogging again in December and do most photo post of the Holidays/ Wedding/ Cruise….. maybe not.


** I'm updating this post and adding a FEW pictures. I didn't want another new post (for now) so here are a few wedding/cruise shots, enjoy!

** CRAP: as soon as I tried to upload it's not letting me upload anymore but this one! grrr....maybe later?