one.

(september 9th, 2008)
If this doesn’t make much sense it’s because I just want to write down little feelings and emotions and things that are going on through the pregnancy so I won’t forget it all in a couple months… well the way my memory is currently, I might forget it by tomorrow.
Pregnancy as a whole so far has been wonderful. The first couple months were so much easier than I thought they were going to be. I threw up three times, that’s it, the entire time! Things I need to remember for next time: eat breakfast no later than 30 min. after I wake up, otherwise, the nausea becomes overwhelming. Things that made me very anxious in the beginning was telling friends and family I was close to, and even people I wasn’t so close to finding out. But slowly everyone found out, and that stress quickly faded. Now I find it amusing if people don’t know, or can’t tell, because it’s very obvious I’m pregnant!
I started a new job with the state back at the end of July, so it occupies approximately 40 hours of my week. I had quit my serving job at Old Town about a month and a half before I started with the state because I thought I was starting my new job a lot sooner than I did. During that time it was nice to be able to relax for the first couple weeks, but then it became very depressing and repetitive to wake up at ten, watch Price is Right, and do nothing all day. Looking back it was a decision that was out of my hands, but if I had known better, I would have never quit my old job that early. So starting my new job was very exciting to be able to be occupied everyday and get paid for it. It makes the weeks go by quicker and the countdown for Moses to get closer and closer.
It’s overwhelming when I think too hard about it. Becoming a mother to my own child, having a baby, seeing him, hearing him, referring to Moses as he’s sitting in front of me, not inside me. The excitement builds and builds and that also causes the stress to build and build with anticipation of the unknown. The unknown is something I’m not comfortable with and even with all the research and planning and expecting, the day he comes into the world will be day 1, and everyday will be a new adventure. For the most part all the stress comes from a good place because I was to be the best mom I can to him. I want him to experience the best, avoid the worst, and have the best knowledge possible for every situation that comes up. I know that’s impossible and I know if I were to just relax and be laid back about the future it wouldn’t be so overwhelming, but that’s such a huge part of my personality, I can’t help it!