Candyland.

This has nothing to do with being a wife or a working mom or having a child. This is pure passion from the depths of my heart. This isn’t a hobby but a desire. I desire to bake the most wonderful things. To stand in my kitchen draped with a beautiful apron adorned with flour and work steadily on my creations. I dream of a standing mixer that I can carelessly loss in a pinch of this and a dash of that while everything comes together to form dough. I dream of wafer textured rubbery mats to lie whatever’s hot out of the over on. I dream of 100 funky utensils bursting out of a jar on the kitchen counter to grab whenever I’m in need of a specific tool. I dream of fresh baked breads and cookies and soufflés and mousse and cakes.


The other night I was standing in on a conversation with my mother and another seamstress when I listened to them passionately talk about their gifts. Midway through the conversation the women looked at me and said it must be so nice to inherit your mother’s talent. My mother and I joked that I had taken advantage of her skills all my life and actually never learned to sew. My mom mentioned that my gifts are in other areas and I create differently. She’s right. I can’t go into a store and know what three fabrics go together perfectly to make a pillow. I thrive off order and that’s why I love baking so much. All the measurements and instructions are something I enjoy; it just makes sense in my head. As I continue to bake more I start to experiment with different ingredients and measurements. I like analyzing “if this equals X then what if I mix this and this together, will they also give me X?” It’s a way for me to create but still maintain order.


I say this is only a dream because I’m also a realist. I work a forty hour job, I’m in school, and I have a baby and a husband and a house to maintain. Even if all those things were on hold one evening a week I still need the money to buy all the ingredients. And if the ingredients were to magically appear I would need a very thick piece of duct tape over my mouth to stop me from consuming everything I bake! I love to bake and that will never stop; it’s just sometimes my dreams take me away to a land of sugar and sweets!