Who flung poo?

Friday night Davy was out of town so naturally Moses and I went on a date to my boy’s favorite place, Chick fil A. We sat together enjoying our fried chicken goodness and ice dream. I retreated to the latest issue of Redbook and Moses went to the playground to run off some sugar. He came back to our table often for a sip of water or bite of French fry but besides that he independently made friends and had fun.

 

It was time to go so I walked into the play area where a dad and his 2 children were playing. I’m pretty sure the dad just let a fart rip but I wasn’t going to be the one who gave a stank face. “Moses, it’s time to go” I yelled into the air; for a moment I couldn’t find him but then he appeared staring at me from the top of the tower. Ugh, I thought, please don’t make me turn all Discipline Mom in front of this awkward dad. “Moses, I’ve got to tell you something” was my first attempt to intrigue him down the slide. Ugh, this dad needs to stop farting. Finally a little boy realized Moses was the boy at the top of the playground refusing to get down and felt the need to tell me “he stinks”. Oh crap, literally. 

In this moment I realize Moses is refusing to come down not because he is enjoying his play time so much but because he has a load hanging out his lower end. I slump down and put my hands in my face. Moses, I WILL NOT be crawling up this playground I thought to myself. “Moses, come down and get the treat I have for you”. Ugh, I’m trying everything all while Awkward Dad is just staring at me.

When I least expect it I hear little giggles coming from the slide. Moments later Moses comes sliding down on his stomach (for obvious reasons) with a big smile on his face. There is no need to even check his pants because I know exactly what I’ll find. “Where’s my treat?” he happily asks me. O son, the treat is that Mommy doesn’t have squeeze her hips up three levels of playground to yank you down in front of the entire restaurant.

The minuets to follow involve child exposure in broad day light, pee pee running down the parking lot, a very unfortunate plastic baggie, and a naked boy buckled in his seat headed home.

Moses is 2 ½ and Potty Trained Rockstar at school and Poo Poo Pants MaGee in crowded public places. I’m the Mom with too much toddler poo under her fingernails to care if you’re dry heaving right now.